I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
it hurts more in the daytime
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
