Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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