where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
