you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
