so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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