my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
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