I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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