We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
