i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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