Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize