you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
