So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
