I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
