I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Randomize
