had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize