No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
