True but thats because hes a fetus.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Randomize
