Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
