Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I came so hard my ears popped.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize