note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
