brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
