i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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