So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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