Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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