16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
you didnt know i had herpes?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
