the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Randomize