I cockslap morals
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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