He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
