Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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