fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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