what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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