Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
