Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
