I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
