So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
