just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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