dude i'm inner monologue high
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
