so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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