Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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