you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
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