So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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