Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Randomize
