Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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