Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize