chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I need to align my fucking chakras
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
