i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize