i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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