Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
