Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
It's just like the Real World with babies
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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