I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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