he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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