in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Houston, we have a squirter
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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