Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
