apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
