Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize