Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
