I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
