had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
