There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
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