You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Did I show you my penis last night?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
