Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
