Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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