Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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