it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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