either way he was missing a nipple.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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