you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
