The maid of honor just puked.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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